Sometimes life is just about perspective: how you look at it. Something you dread, can become something to covet, if you just look at it from another direction. Perhaps.
This week our youngest kid will be getting a transfusion. If you are a RR here, you will know all about it- that she has a rare type of anaemia that requires a few transfusions per year. When she was younger I would approach this week firstly with denial or anger, then fear and vulnerability.
These days we have a better handle on the whole thing. We are accustomed to the process, and we feel we have a lot more input over how it all goes. We get to choose the transfusion day, so we can plan our lives a little better. We have a home test kit so we can keep an eye on her, and we don’t have to be too worried about plummeting haemoglobin. I can’t yet say we can’t wait for transfusion day, not really, but in some strange and wonderful way, we sort of look forward to it.
We have already been shopping for a new outfit for her to wear on the day (because shopping heals most things that ail you), we have chosen what books and craft we will take in with us for the long day, and we have something special planned for the days that follow, where she will be in the very pink of health, and back to her normal self.
And then, for me, there is the lure of relief.
The moment that the car parking ticket gets fed into the machine is probably the best moment of my year, every time it happens. I know as I push that little white slip onto the lurid yellow slot and the barrier comes up, I won’t have to think about red blood cells and jaundice and liver function and bilirubin and haemoglobin and erythropoiesis and fevers and immune system compromise and all of that for another two and a half months. And that is something to savour.
It’s kind of like we get a New Year every three months. There is a sense of relief and relaxation of a job completed, as well as a feeling of rejuvenation.
It’s like we get to start over.
In the car on the way home we will chat about all the things that we will do, now that she is full again. She will have aspirations of cartwheels and tennis and holding her violin up high, just like the other kids. She will admire herself in the mirror and see a healthy, pinkish tone, just like the other kids. She will laugh and cry and be sweet and kind or have tantrums, just like the other kids. She will maybe stay up a little late, or get up early, and we won’t be so nervy about it all, just like the other families. And I will hug my girl and appreciate her for who she is, just like the other Mums.
…From The Ashers xx