Straight Talkin’

Today Liam asked what the silver wee-wall in the male toilets is called.  He wanted to know if it was also called a toilet.

Because I am truthful, and a wealth of information, I told him it was called a urinal and the reason why.  Sometimes, because I love words (and the sound of my own voice) so much, I may* tend to go on a bit with information.  Especially when we are in the car and they are strapped in tight, hurtling along at eighty clicks.

So, urine.  And then I added in faeces, just to round out the conversation.

But of course it didn’t stop there.  The little buggers wanted to know the “astronomical” words for “all of the body parts”.  I tried to steer the conversation in the direction of words like phalanges, sternum and clavicle, but I know they didn’t pay any attention. I could tell by the sniggers, that penis, vagina, labia and anus were much more interesting.

Conversation then went of the direction of changes the body undergoes during puberty. Luckily it’s a short car trip home. I may have had to slighty exceed the speed limit (but only if you aren’t a member of the local constabulary..if you are, I was on sitting on the limit the whole way) to avoid talking about anything menstrual.**

Just the other week, Coco came upstairs because Liam had called her a penis.  Not penis-breath, penis-head or penis-brain. Just penis.  So who knows what is going to happen at the next altercation, with all this newfound terminology.


This won’t end well.


Anyone else think it’s funny that their kids call Dick Caplick Park “Penis Playground”?

What do you call the private parts?




* Who are we kidding? I bloody run an the mouth like Cujo after a stroke.

** I have The Menopause, so I’m done with talking about all things womb related.

****Apologies to all the parents of my children’s friends. You may have some explaining to do.****