I didn’t have a blog post ready for you, and I just watched the Morcombe thing on tv, and I’m feeling kind of wrung out.  I don’t want to be yet another person who writes about that situation, so I’ll spare you my insights.  They are probably similar to yours. I’ve been sitting here for a good five minutes, with nothing to write and only that ridiculous Downton Abbey to distract me- and there’s not a post in that.  Nathan wants me to write about what a great lover he is.  Yes, he said lover.  It could be to pay me back for when I told him to look over “at nine o’clock and check out those knockers” today at the beach.  Seems we are living in a Benny Hill sketch.  I said, “I don’t do Mummy porn.”  He said you’d love it…

She removed her hooker heels at the front door and slunk up the stairs so as not to wake the children.  The plans she had for the rest of the evening were best executed without interruption.  Her eyes slowly grew accustomed to the flickering of the candles he had left to welcome her home.  The warmth of their glow stirred a warmth in her, and she smiled knowingly to herself, in secret anticipation.

Silently she went to the kitchen drawer and took out a little implement.  An aid, if you will.  For later.  For her love.

She approached the bedroom, her breath quickening, her blood surging.  Her body was softening as she prepared for what would come next.  She caught herself swallowing, as if she was about to devour a delicious treat.  To prolong the sweet pleasure she went to the ensuite, slowly removing her dress, feeling the fabric slip from her shoulders, tickling and tingling her skin.  Her senses acutely awake.  She was ready.

Emerging from the ensuite, she allowed her eyes to feast upon the object of her desire for the first time.  Glistening, in a luscious shade of brown, it seemed to shimmer slightly in the light of the full moon, that was peeping through the blinds.  It looked firm and turgid, yet somehow yielding.  Smooth and silky to the touch.  Strong, and with a sweet, heady scent that could not be resisted.

She slithered into the bed, her breath now coming in faster bursts.  She could hardly contain herself.

Nathan seemed to sense her presence in the bed, and her desire.  He rolled over, scratched his left knacker, farted and mumbled something incomprehensible.

She reached over to the tub of Nutella inserted the spoon into its rich, sticky contents and slowly devoured her one true love.

(Ahhhhh Nutella.  We always say yes to Nutella)

Goodnight my loves. xx

….From the Ashers