I know you are going to be shocked to hear this, but I found out today that I am officially a grumpy old lady.
I was already a bit cross before I started the week: I have a slight cough, I finished my book ‘Gone Girl‘ in one day, with no new book at the ready, and it’s a bit windy here. I don’t like wind. Gets me all tetchy.
I was also already a bit cross before I started the year: I have The Menopause. I assume that’s all I need to say about that.
Regardless of these portentous signs, today I did “literacy rotations” with the Grade One class, followed by a trip to the shopping centre. I guess you can see where this is heading…
So I made a list in my head of all the things that confirm that I am, in fact a grumpy old lady. It made me grumpier. I now provide this list for your reading pleasure:
- I saw a youth chuck some litter on the ground, I said “Oi,” and shook my head at him. He picked it up.
- I made that “tch-tch” clicking sound with my tongue, when someone tried to push in front of a kid at the newsagent. They let the kid (and me) go first.
- I saw a man my age staring at a friend of mine’s 18 year old daughter in the queue at Woolies. He had one look, then a pretend “I’m just moving my head around here, oh, look, a hottie young enough to be my daughter” look. Twice. I narrowed my eyes and stared at him until he felt me staring. When he looked at me, I flicked my eyes in Hotgirl’s direction. He got busy with his shopping after that.
- My iPhone went all weird and non-workingish so I gritted my teeth and seethed at it “You better work right now, you piss-poor excuse for a computer, or I’m replacing you.” Then I hit it twice. It works again.
- I was in the bakery section of the supermarket, and hungry, so I picked up some pizza rolls, saw the price, and put them back down. The bakery lady smiled and said, “Wrong flavour?” I said, “No, wrong price.” She pointed out to me some rolls that were on special.
So it appears that there has been an increase in my powers, proportional to the reduction in my youthfulness and sunny disposition. I’m too grumpy to decide what I prefer yet, so don’t even ask me, because: The Menopause.
On the way home from school, I observed two unsafe driving practices, so I told the children a long and educational story about each. It seems my new powers don’t work quite as well with them. Their eyes went all glassy, and I’m pretty sure Liam was air-guitaring the chords for ‘Funky Town‘ with his left hand. He better not have been changing the words to ‘Grumpy Town‘.
And then I looked down at my hand and saw this:
Do you have power or beauty? Can you have both?
Can you see my old lady spots yet? (lie to me, lie to me!)