If you heard a really loud bang / gunshot / thunderclap sound this morning, don’t be alarmed, it was just me.  Patting myself on the back.

You see, we still have baby monitors in the children’s rooms (Because: mental), and so, as they were getting ready for school this morning, I could hear some lovely singing coming from their rooms.  They were harmonising together in a lovely unison, that can only be achieved with the voices of siblings (Think: Jack and Meg White, Vicka and Linda Bull.. You get my drift.)

The reason for my back-patting-ness, was that they were singing The ABC song.  You know the one, that ends with “Now I know my A-B-Cs, next time won’t you sing with me.”  I was thinking to myself how lovely it was, in this day and age, that they had managed to maintain their innocence in such a world.

I felt like had achieved the trifecta this very day:

1. Children that were independent enough to be getting themselves ready for school.

2. Children that were naive and shielded enough from the horrors of the world that they would sing such a lovely little litany.

3. Children who enjoyed each other’s company so much that they would sing sweetly to together, whilst happily getting ready.

So I gave myself a big pat.  A really big one.  I wondered if anyone else was as good a parent as me.  I mean “Us”.  (Of course.)

They got to the end of the song, and where I expected to hear the familiar lyrics, they sang something else.  The quality of the baby monitor wasn’t sufficient to pick up the exact words, so I went in to see what they were singing.  It went a little like this:

“Now I know my ABCs, 

Gummy Bears are after me,

One is red,

One is blue,

One is peeing in my shoe.

One of them has got a knife,

Now I’m running for my life.”

As Liam mimed something that would have put the shower scene from Psycho to shame.

Nothing wrong with my our parenting.

Are your kids also psycho?  C’mon, tell me they are.

…From The Ashers