From the Ashers - Stories from us, The Ashers
Home
BLOG
    Latest Blogs
    Beautiful Things
    Creativity
    Kids
    Family
    Food
    Hitwave Alison
    Life
    Music
    Weekends
    Writing
MEMBERS
    SECRET ASHER STORIES
    BECOME A MEMBER
    Login
    My Account
About Me
Contact Alison
From the Ashers - Stories from us, The Ashers
  • Home
  • BLOG
    • Latest Blogs
    • Beautiful Things
    • Creativity
    • Kids
    • Family
    • Food
    • Hitwave Alison
    • Life
    • Music
    • Weekends
    • Writing
  • MEMBERS
    • SECRET ASHER STORIES
    • BECOME A MEMBER
    • Login
    • My Account
  • About Me
  • Contact Alison
BLOG
Archive
Weekends

Sunday Shitty Sunday

04/11/2013 by Alison Asher 4 Comments

Today The Ashers went to a children’s water paradise.  Wake-boarding, inflatable things to climb on and over, and fall into the water from great heights, ice-creams.  It was the Almost Anything Goes of the Sunshine Coast. It was fantastic.  It looked a little like this:

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

In fact it looked exactly like this

Clearly I didn’t choose this as a way to spend my (preferably) lazy Sunday, but sometimes as parents we don’t get to choose.  Not really.  We have to DO things.  And stuff.  Sometimes those things turn out to be fun, and sometimes they are a bit shit.  Today was fun and shit.

There we were, thunderbird-running along one of the pathways, and trying not to slip over, when I spotted it.  One lump and a bigger lump.  Brown.  Lumps that a women who has toilet trained two children would recognise immediately: toddler turd.

Quick as a flash, and before I even really knew what I was doing, I flicked that crap into the water with my toe.

Then: ewww.  Why did I do that? The water logs were now waterborne.  In the water we were swimming in.  And I’d kicked some turd that didn’t belong to anyone from my gene pool, into the pool.  Just: ewww.

And with that, Coco fell off the side and into the water. Again.

“Quick Coco, swim to the edge, quick, grab my hand, get back onto the raft, AND DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH!” I was screaming like a woman deranged, it was like that scene from Jaws 2 when Sean almost gets chewed by the shark. Except there was no shark. Just a toilet truffle.

Coco’s big blue eyes were like saucers as she grabbed my trembling, outstretched hand.  I started dragging her back up onto the slippery, slippery plastic inflatable…

Here we are, almost there, I had her half up, almost safe, then missed my footing, and slipped into the liquorice lake.

OHHHNOOOOTHEHORROR.

We swam through the mire, that I prefer to think of as little clumps of mud, mouths clamped shut, trying to breathe the tiniest bits of air, lest we inadvertently inhale poo particles.  I even tried to keep my ears shut.  (Can you keep your ears shut?)  We tried anyway, just in case tympanic membranes aren’t patent.

You’ll be happy to know we were eventually able to make it out of the cesspit, and so far, we aren’t showing any ill-effects other than my imaginary sore throat.  I’m thinking I will hit the tequila bottle pretty hard tonight, just to kill off the e.coli, mind.  And if I have enough lick, sip, sucks, I won’t know if I’m crook from the old el Toro, or the old el Turdo.

 

How about you, have you even swum in a dunny?

How was your Sunday, was it as fancy as mine?

logo_heart_1a.png

Share:

Recent Posts

  • Of Course 20/09/2021
  • Waiting to Exhale 17/09/2021
  • Hey Rick, Bit Weird 15/09/2021
  • Somedays We Bop 13/09/2021
  • In Love With Love 31/08/2021
  • Homage to Carla, Part 2 26/08/2021

Blog Roll

  • Woogsworld
  • Styling You

Recommended Links

  • Chicks Who Click
  • Quest Chiropractic Coaching

Recent Comments

  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “I love that Paul. That smile! (And daring you.. she was always the most daring wasn’t she?)” Sep 16, 09:48
  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “OH Tan, I didn’t know you had the boots! I’m so pleased as I never wanted them to go to…” Sep 16, 07:30
  • Tania on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Love it. I have those bloody cowboy boots in my wardrobe and they will never leave my side. Just loved…” Sep 15, 22:29
  • PB on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “My memory shifts between the intensity of her eyes when she spoke to me…..controlling me ,enveloping me, daring me ….to…” Sep 15, 21:49
  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Oh Trace. I’m so sorry to hear that. One foot in front of the other, ‘eh? Do you have a…” Sep 15, 18:42
  • Tracy K-S on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Good reflection for me on what has been a tough few weeks. A new friend was diagnosed with cancer today…” Sep 15, 18:35

View Blog Categories

  • Beautiful Things
  • Chiropractic
  • Creativity
  • Family
  • Food
  • Hitwave Alison
  • Inspo stuff
  • Kids
  • Life
  • Music
  • Secret Asher Stories
  • Travel
  • Weekends
  • Writing

© 2020 Alison Asher | Privacy Policy