It seems a bit trite to cobble together a list of five hits, in a week where I would have preferred to hang out in my bed, listen to the waves or dreary old Smiths songs, and let the days crawl by.  A week where I know I should be feeling grateful to be alive in this time, this place, with these people.  But nonetheless a week where I didn’t want to force a smile or glibly pretend that everything is fine and everything is fine and all manner of things will be fine.

Helen Razer wrote a book once, called “Everything’s Fine” but it came with a sticker that you could stick on the cover and obscure the ‘fine’ with a ‘fucked’.  I would have kinda liked that sticker this week.  Not for the entire week of course, for there were many moments of joy to grasp onto, but to have it available on and off, then on again.

So in this week of weeks, what I’d mainly like to do is to give thanks.

Thanks to Friend for tweeting Q and A with me on Monday night.  I can’t imagine what you handle, and I don’t want to, but you still make me laugh and I’m in awe of your strength.  Hayls chose well mate, she was a clever cookie that one (and I WILL win that dinner someday; I will get a tweet on Q and A yet).

Thanks for all the sweet comments on Blog’s birthday.  She liked your style.

Thanks to Suze for the gift of bold colour.  I love that we didn’t need any words, but that you knew that something bright would be good for my heart.

Thanks to my long suffering Husband.  Man you put up with some moody shit Nath.  I don’t know how, or some days even why, but I guess I must be a bit like Hayls: I chose well.  I might even give you one of my beers as a reward (see below).

Thanks to both of my beer delivery ladies.  Undeserved as they were, they shall be savoured with great satisfaction, come the weekend. Mwah.

So there you have it, no hits, but lots of thanks.  And don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into some kind of Facey thing with lists of gratitude every day.  I wrote this lot to remind me that I am very lucky.  That yes, I can be sad, it is allowed, but that I do have much to be happy about, once the clouds have shed their tears.

Okay, come on, just this once, tell me what you need to give thanks for.

…From The Ashers xx

I am the world’s worst best procrastinator.  I put off everything that I can, until it becomes painfully impossible to ignore it any longer.  I create situations where I have a feeling of ‘something hanging over my head’, that gets so heavy and cumbersome that it pushes me forward and threatens to crush my lungs .  It is only then that I do it.

I did it today.

In fact I did two ‘its’.

Together, they took three and a half hours, tops.  Two things that had been squeezing the joy out of my evenings, as I would plant my lazy bum on this very comfy couch and make deals with myself about how I would get up and at least start one of them soon/next ad break/after writing this next blog/as soon as I finish this cuppa.  After sufficient time had elapsed and it would become obvious I wasn’t even going to start them, I would skulk off to bed, vowing to get up at 5am and eat the frog.

But I never ate those frogs.  And of course I never got up at 5am.

The only frogs I eat are choccy

So like I said, today I made a deal with myself that I would do just one of the maligned tasks, and then strangely, I felt so relieved and energetic after one, I did the other.  They weren’t even difficult.  And now I can breathe fully again.  Just like that.

That’s not to say that that is the end of tasks that require my attention, but having those two millstones removed has created a space and a freedom that I didn’t even realise was being so choked off.

I’m writing this blog to share my relief and elation, so that I might come back here some day, should I ever get to this level of procrastination again, and remember how wondrous it felt, to be like Nike.  I’m also writing this in case you too are putting off some reviled task, with the futile hope that it will go away.  I want you to get a sense of how BLOODY GOOD it feels once it is done.  Of how you can completely relax your shoulders.  Of how you can take your time over dinner.  Of how you can savour your evening, instead of wishing it away.

Kelly Exeter shared a tip one day: if it takes less than a minute to do, do it right now.  (I’ve changed that to two minutes).  It has lead to a life with much less clutter.  Previously I had too many jobs ‘for later’ stored up in my head.  Ten simple jobs that could be done in the moment can add up to a lot of mess.

The other thing that helped me today was to really get into the feeling of euphoria once the first job was done.  I’m trying to create a cell memory of that in my mind and body so that I can try and access it next time the old pleasure/pain strategy of putting things off until they are stressfully urgent tries to rear up.

I don’t know if this new strategy will be the end of a lifetime of procrastination and cramming, but stranger things have happened.

I’ll let you know.

What are you putting off?

Will you start it today?

…From The Ashers xx