Hmmm…

So it seems that things have changed around here. (See what happens when time marches on? Things even look different.)

Have you changed too?

Firstly, an apology: I know said I would keep blogging over the holidays, but I lied. Not intentionally, but a lie none-the-less.

I did intend to blog, but one thing lead to another, and having brothers who mockingly call this thing “Dear Diary” and a Mum that I’m pretty sure hates any personal information being shared on the Socials, I felt ashamed/weird/silly to blog the holidays away. To be honest I think I would have preferred being caught red-faced having a date with Palmela Handerson, than tapping away on these keys and pressing climax publish.

And then  as the days wore on, so much happened, and I just couldn’t keep up. The list of potential blog posts in my head just grew and grew, and before too long I realised there was no way of ever catching up. So my brain sped up and up and it was like a mouse running, running on its tiny wheel, so I had to force it to stop. The thoughts then grew plump and over-ripe and  rotted to ruins, like plums on the footpath, with that sweetsickystickystench to flare your nostrils and as you walk quickly by.

And every day that went by, it became easier and easier to simply not blog. I was still writing of course, for without this tap tap tap of the keyboard I don’t know what to think, but just nothing fit for your eyes. Or perhaps I underestimate you, and your ability to listen without judgement.

I became self-conscious. I imagined this writing process to be like some excruciating public speaking gig, where you stare at me with your arms folded,  and I try to make you laugh and cry, despite yourself. Tough crowd. Not pleasant.

This self-consciousness expanded to my subject matter. Instead of From The Ashers simply being a forum of my experiments in thet written word, I forgot that this is my space,  and you are my guests. Free to come and go as you please.

Instead I started to think that you can choose the content and I had better deliver what you want. Even though I have no idea what that actually is. I felt bad that I wanted to talk to you about death and grief and despair. I thought that you’d probably had enough of my self-absorbed public whining, and that I was (am?) here to entertain you.

But of course that’s not the case is it, not really.

I can talk about whatever I want here: this is my piece of peace and virtual real estate, and I can say whatever the fuck I like, within my own rules of decorum. I’m allowed.

So what will blog be like? I have no idea.

What will the blog schedule be? Again: no idea.

I have a new job, so time might be managed differently and posting could be sporadic. Perhaps I can find out how to let you subscribe so you will get updates when I post. That would make sense.

Will I still be sharing stories from my heart? Yes. That won’t change. I’m always writing about them in my mind anyway, so I might as well pop them up here in case you want to have a look. In fact, the way I make sense of this world is through the written world, it seems I know no other way. So be warned: thoughts will just flood onto the page, largely unedited (as I see when I browse through old posts. *Shudder*)

This was on my Insta from Kelly Exeter… Nails it.

Will there be ads on here? I bloody hope so. Some day I hope someone will just walk right up to me and say: can we advertise on your blog? If they do, in the interests of full disclosure and petty bragging, I will tell you, although I guess you will know, for I’ll be driving around in a fully restored FB Holden, with a tricked up Kombi for weekends.

Will there be a book? Perhaps. One day. When I create a workable and reliable Delorean. Hopefully that’s soon, because my kids are growing up so quickly I need to slow things right down, lest I miss a minute. (Plus I said something thoughtless yesterday, that I’d like to go back and erase.)

So I’ve done the WordPress update, and it appears that I don’t have the dottie background or my old headings saved anywhere on this thing. So for now (or maybe forever, or at least until someone comes and fixes it for me), it’s triangles.

Or nothing.

Welcome back you, welcome back me.

It’s good to see you.

…From The Ashers xx

Here are the hits:

1. I know, I know, I always say it, but HOW GOOD ARE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS? Can they go on forever please? Or at least another few weeks.

2. These Veuve smoking slippers, or whatever the hell they are.

Yes, you can wear them with socks Jools.

I want need them, and I need them immediately. Gives new meaning to the term “I’m putting on my drinking shoes.”

3. Sleepover visitors. How GOOD ARE THEY? Especially when they are My Friend and his Little Mate. So good.

So good to hear the laughter of little kids playing together, dressing up and mucking about.

So good to share food and convos around the table with people who you love like family (and who you wish would stay for longer). Blessed, I tells ya.

4. Working from home. Do you do it? Perhaps you should try it..?

The Joint, joint (See what I did there?)

Years ago, after the birth of The Evil Genius Mark II, I had some very insightful friends suggest that perhaps I could work from home. I scoffed at first (because I didn’t think of it), but eventually I came around, and I have to say it has been one of the best decisions of my working life. No travel and being able to hear the sounds of family all around are some of the perks, but most of all it has brought an all new level of loving service to my work. You can’t invite people into your home who you don’t love, so the home office has ensured that my practice is full of people who I consider to be my extended family. I love ’em, and I hope they kinda like me right back.

My motto is “For everyone you love” and I think it goes right back the other way- my place is for everyone I love. Not a bad way to spend a work day. Not bad at all.

5. A long weekend coming my way. Goodonya Queensland for moving the hol from that first half of the year where there is a GLUT of long weekends, to now, when we can enjoy the sunshine and the spring-that-thinks-it’s-summer with gay abandon. Long weekend, I can’t wait to get in you.

What are your best bits of the week? Anything amazing to share?

Did you bake the Big Batch Big Biccies yet?

…From The Ashers xx

Some hits and misses this week, but if you’re playing along, you’ll know that already. Here are the hits:

1. These beauties from a gorgeous friend. How kind are PEOPLE?

Sunshine in a vase

2. This:

A drink by candlelight

A Floris to drink, in tribute to my friend. Drinking it on the balcony of my spesh mate. Candles were lit. The dearly departed did not blow them out, so that was annoying. Perhaps they were too busy visiting the homes of the beautiful children and husbands they left behind, so I guess that was okay.

3. This little fella.

Kermit the fright

He makes a racket every time there is a tiny skerrick of rain, but I’ve never seen him before. He thoughtfully chose last night to hang out on the gate when I was trying to stealthily sneak in after curfew, and almost made me squeal. I do like his “roaawk, roaawk, roaawk” though.

4. School holidays. How good are they? How sweet is it to do what you want, when you want and stay in pjs much later than what is socially acceptable? Bloody good is how good.

5. My Mum. I don’t talk about her on here because firstly, she is insanely private, and secondly, doesn’t read the blog, (and she would be cross if she knew I was talking about her on the internets), however I’ve just gotta say how lucky I am to have such a strong, centred, loving, helpful and kind lady around. She is a rock, and an awesome babysitter to boot. I couldn’t ask for more (other than for her to keep the Evil Geniuses at her joint for another week)*

*Some statements may be coloured by the fact that she is currently in possession of said Geniuses until Saturday.

So what are your hits of the week?

Did you also have a shit week, but were able to get some good stuff out of it anyway?

…From The Ashers xx

Does the Mumma Guilt ever go away?

Are there any who walk among us who have slain the guilt dragon?

And if it wasn’t Mumma Guilt, would I have some other type of guilt: too fat, too slim, too lazy, too poor, too unfit, too ______ (insert your own negative concept here).

It’s the last day of the school holidays here, and we’ve had a blast.  Lots of laughs, lots of hugs, lots of jostling for attention and figuring out where we fit in the scheme of things (because yes, in my world, even sibling fights and annoying your parents and pushing boundaries are imperative to whole person development- and that’s just for me), lots of busy days and lazy days.  We have been out all day, and also stayed in our pyjamas.  We have gotten Coco a transfusion, been to the city, flown down to Newcastle, tended herb gardens, played in the sunshine on the beach, at the parks, in the trees.  We have defied gravity riding skate-boards down hills, ridden bikes, shot for goals, danced to new music, seen movies, visited cafes, had friends over, sat by open fires, toasted marshies, and sat staring at the water.  We have watched sunrises and sunsets, baked sweet treats, been to the shops together, written diaries (or blogs), read books together on the couch and played board games (yes, even frigging Pokemon).  We have laughed and sometimes cried when we drank Cherry Beers and wished our friend was still alive.  Hell, we have even done some craft (‘Thanks a lot” for this book from the the gates of Hell, Lara).

189 pages of unmitigated pain right there. I suspect this “text of the devil” deserves its own post…

Even with all of that, I have a strange feeling of unease, because I really, really need to get something done here at home today, and so we have decided to have a day at home, for this last day of the holidays.  So the kids will mainly amuse themselves.  Which will mean gaming.  Sure, they will also read a bit, eat a bit and run around a bit outside, but mainly, I know from experience, they will be “joining game”.  That means Minecraft.

As I (neglectfully) type they are in a room together, laughing like loons, at two Minecraft puppies named Chocolate and Cookies who are apparently jumping all over the mushrooms houses.  Or something.  They came out a moment ago, pissing themselves, garbled some unintelligible computery sounding phrases to me, and ran off, giggling.  Apparently there is a new update for Minecraft PE (Pocket Edition) and it is the best ever update.  Ever.  Something something, flowers, something, mushroom houses, something.

Apparently this is good fun..?

The laughing warms my heart.  Assuages some of the guilt, but not all.  Something, somewhere is telling me that I shouldn’t be allowing so much screen time.  That they should be doing something… else. Creative? Meaningful? Outside?

I remember as a kid my Mum had a friend who was always interrupting me from my love of reading and ushering me outside to “get some fresh air”, as if sitting quietly, independently amusing myself with my book friends, and not getting into any trouble was somehow shameful.  Something to be reviled not revelled in.

Some guilts go deep I guess.

So excuse me, whilst I open the doors and let in some ‘fresh air’.

Mine away kids, Craft away little ones.  I’ll deal with the guilt.

And if you need me, I’ll be right here.

Not.Moving.
(Except to get cups of tea to sustain me)

Do you too have “The Guilt”?

What about? And do you know how to make it go away?

…From The Ashers xx