From the Ashers - Stories from us, The Ashers
Home
BLOG
    Latest Blogs
    Beautiful Things
    Creativity
    Kids
    Family
    Food
    Hitwave Alison
    Life
    Music
    Weekends
    Writing
MEMBERS
    SECRET ASHER STORIES
    BECOME A MEMBER
    Login
    My Account
About Me
Contact Alison
From the Ashers - Stories from us, The Ashers
  • Home
  • BLOG
    • Latest Blogs
    • Beautiful Things
    • Creativity
    • Kids
    • Family
    • Food
    • Hitwave Alison
    • Life
    • Music
    • Weekends
    • Writing
  • MEMBERS
    • SECRET ASHER STORIES
    • BECOME A MEMBER
    • Login
    • My Account
  • About Me
  • Contact Alison
Tag:
target
Life

I Got It Going On

13/05/2014 by Alison Asher No Comments

The Colobus Monkey looks perturbed about his tail too….

 

Ever had one of those days when you know you’ve just got it all going on?  I have.  I walk around the place mentally high-fiving myself because: I got it going on.

Like today, when I’d done all the menial tasks of changing sheets, loads of washing by two, dinner in the slow cooker (DO YOU HAVE A CROCKPOT YET?  IF NOT STOP READING THIS AND GET YOUR ARSE TO BIGW OR SOME OTHER CHEAP SHOP AND GET ONE RIGHT NOW.  GO ON, I’LL WAIT RIGHT HERE), notes and forms for the week filled out, including the stuff for school camp meticulously named* and neatly packed shoved in the bag… etc.   All that, but wait, there’s more, I also went to assembly EVEN THOUGH MY KID WASN’T GETTING AN AWARD!

I love days like this.  I can walk around being quietly smug, because: I got it going on.  In fact, I had it going on so hard that I had time to have a massage and still get to the school pick-up twenty five minutes early.  Just enough time to have a scroll through Facey/Twit/Insta before I waltzed down to pick up the Evil Geniuses cherubs.

Days like this I got it going on so well that I was able to swan about the shops for a bit, waving hello to all the people I know in my town.  In fact, I was probably humming People In Your Neighbourhood from Seasame Street as I went, a glide in my gait, with a light breeze tickling my arms that perfectly balanced the cosy Autumn sunshine that was giving me a little glow.

If I had to imagine what I looked like right then, I’d guess people would think I looked like Mother of the Year, who could possibly have been a Target model if I hadn’t been in such a good paddock since the nuptials.  Either that or they would’ve thought the carpenter had been home at lunchtime to, ahem, screw some wood in place.

As I said, I got it going on, so I thought I’d pop in and have a quick wee, check my hair and lippy before going down to the classrooms.  I was early remember.

And there I saw it.

Well, saw them, because there were two things, weren’t  there?

I racked my brain, trying to remember when I last went to the dunny, this is important, because: I had a whole lotta toilette tickets coming out of my knickers like some kind of Colobus Monkey tail.  You know what I’m talking about right?  We’ve all seen it.  The lady in a rush who pulls up her Reg Grundies too fast and leaves the evidence out on show.  That.  All I could  think was, “I’m glad I didn’t do a poo, I’m glad I didn’t do a poo.”

And then the other thing.

The biggest, reddest, plumpest, pus-filled pimple that ever a menopausal women did have.  It was practically flashing and pulsating like the disco lights at Blazers in 1992.  No wonder people were looking.  It was like a flare going off.  No wonder they thought I modelled for Target.  There was a bullseye logo.

So yeah, in case you were wondering: I got it going on.

 

 

*Scribbled with a permanent marker, that has bled through the fabric so everyone can see the kid is in fact called MAIL.

How was your post Mother’s Day comedown?  Did you have a Prosecco Pimple too?

…From The Ashers xxx

Share:

Recent Posts

  • Of Course 20/09/2021
  • Waiting to Exhale 17/09/2021
  • Hey Rick, Bit Weird 15/09/2021
  • Somedays We Bop 13/09/2021
  • In Love With Love 31/08/2021
  • Homage to Carla, Part 2 26/08/2021

Blog Roll

  • Woogsworld
  • Styling You

Recommended Links

  • Chicks Who Click
  • Quest Chiropractic Coaching

Recent Comments

  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “I love that Paul. That smile! (And daring you.. she was always the most daring wasn’t she?)” Sep 16, 09:48
  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “OH Tan, I didn’t know you had the boots! I’m so pleased as I never wanted them to go to…” Sep 16, 07:30
  • Tania on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Love it. I have those bloody cowboy boots in my wardrobe and they will never leave my side. Just loved…” Sep 15, 22:29
  • PB on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “My memory shifts between the intensity of her eyes when she spoke to me…..controlling me ,enveloping me, daring me ….to…” Sep 15, 21:49
  • Alison Asher on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Oh Trace. I’m so sorry to hear that. One foot in front of the other, ‘eh? Do you have a…” Sep 15, 18:42
  • Tracy K-S on Hey Rick, Bit Weird: “Good reflection for me on what has been a tough few weeks. A new friend was diagnosed with cancer today…” Sep 15, 18:35

View Blog Categories

  • Beautiful Things
  • Chiropractic
  • Creativity
  • Family
  • Food
  • Hitwave Alison
  • Inspo stuff
  • Kids
  • Life
  • Music
  • Secret Asher Stories
  • Travel
  • Weekends
  • Writing

© 2020 Alison Asher | Privacy Policy