I Can’t Move
Have you ever been paralysed into inaction?
I have something to do that is so scary, so foreign to me and so heinous that I am completely mentally paralysed.
It is a public speaking thingy.
It may surprise you to hear that, even though I’m a compulsive over-sharer, and clearly a narcissist, when it comes to speaking in a public forum, I dissolve. This forum is some annoying thing I agreed to do months ago, which I have thought about preparing for every single day since. I have thought about doing it as many times as I have thought about exercising and doing my BAS. Which is a lot. (Thinking about doing them that is, not actually doing them. The actual amount I have done them is precisely one time per quarter).
And now it is upon me. Only two Saturdays away. So today I sat down in front of this very same computer, staring, at a blank Pages document for about half an hour.
I could not think of one single thing to write.
And now I have found that the inaction has spread like a man-made virus, and I can’t think of anything to blog about either. This has happened before, but rarely. And usually just because I’m too tired after a big day at work. This is different.
So instead of trying to do something proactive or productive to remedy the situation and mount a response to the virus, I have flattened my phone battery flicking between FB, Twitter and Insta, and now I am going to bed to read a novel. Not a useful inspirational book that might help me get on topic, no, this will be a book bout a psycho killer in an imaginary world. So clearly something that can’t wait
I will read until I am so tired hat my brain will flip the switch and allow me to sleep, to cease thinking about this thing that must be done, and, as we speak is spreading to other areas of my life.
All I hope is that by morning I will have forgotten how to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for my lot.*
*Some will suggest you can’t forget something you never knew how to do in the first place. Those people are mean and rude and won’t be getting any brekky. Among other things.
Have you ever been paralysed like this?
Got any speech ideas for me? Anyone wanna write my speech?
…From The Ashers xx