Are You Guilty?
Does the Mumma Guilt ever go away?
Are there any who walk among us who have slain the guilt dragon?
And if it wasn’t Mumma Guilt, would I have some other type of guilt: too fat, too slim, too lazy, too poor, too unfit, too ______ (insert your own negative concept here).
It’s the last day of the school holidays here, and we’ve had a blast. Lots of laughs, lots of hugs, lots of jostling for attention and figuring out where we fit in the scheme of things (because yes, in my world, even sibling fights and annoying your parents and pushing boundaries are imperative to whole person development- and that’s just for me), lots of busy days and lazy days. We have been out all day, and also stayed in our pyjamas. We have gotten Coco a transfusion, been to the city, flown down to Newcastle, tended herb gardens, played in the sunshine on the beach, at the parks, in the trees. We have defied gravity riding skate-boards down hills, ridden bikes, shot for goals, danced to new music, seen movies, visited cafes, had friends over, sat by open fires, toasted marshies, and sat staring at the water. We have watched sunrises and sunsets, baked sweet treats, been to the shops together, written diaries (or blogs), read books together on the couch and played board games (yes, even frigging Pokemon). We have laughed and sometimes cried when we drank Cherry Beers and wished our friend was still alive. Hell, we have even done some craft (‘Thanks a lot” for this book from the the gates of Hell, Lara).
Even with all of that, I have a strange feeling of unease, because I really, really need to get something done here at home today, and so we have decided to have a day at home, for this last day of the holidays. So the kids will mainly amuse themselves. Which will mean gaming. Sure, they will also read a bit, eat a bit and run around a bit outside, but mainly, I know from experience, they will be “joining game”. That means Minecraft.
As I (neglectfully) type they are in a room together, laughing like loons, at two Minecraft puppies named Chocolate and Cookies who are apparently jumping all over the mushrooms houses. Or something. They came out a moment ago, pissing themselves, garbled some unintelligible computery sounding phrases to me, and ran off, giggling. Apparently there is a new update for Minecraft PE (Pocket Edition) and it is the best ever update. Ever. Something something, flowers, something, mushroom houses, something.
The laughing warms my heart. Assuages some of the guilt, but not all. Something, somewhere is telling me that I shouldn’t be allowing so much screen time. That they should be doing something… else. Creative? Meaningful? Outside?
I remember as a kid my Mum had a friend who was always interrupting me from my love of reading and ushering me outside to “get some fresh air”, as if sitting quietly, independently amusing myself with my book friends, and not getting into any trouble was somehow shameful. Something to be reviled not revelled in.
Some guilts go deep I guess.
So excuse me, whilst I open the doors and let in some ‘fresh air’.
Mine away kids, Craft away little ones. I’ll deal with the guilt.
And if you need me, I’ll be right here.
Do you too have “The Guilt”?
What about? And do you know how to make it go away?
…From The Ashers xx