It seems a bit trite to cobble together a list of five hits, in a week where I would have preferred to hang out in my bed, listen to the waves or dreary old Smiths songs, and let the days crawl by.  A week where I know I should be feeling grateful to be alive in this time, this place, with these people.  But nonetheless a week where I didn’t want to force a smile or glibly pretend that everything is fine and everything is fine and all manner of things will be fine.

Helen Razer wrote a book once, called “Everything’s Fine” but it came with a sticker that you could stick on the cover and obscure the ‘fine’ with a ‘fucked’.  I would have kinda liked that sticker this week.  Not for the entire week of course, for there were many moments of joy to grasp onto, but to have it available on and off, then on again.

So in this week of weeks, what I’d mainly like to do is to give thanks.

Thanks to Friend for tweeting Q and A with me on Monday night.  I can’t imagine what you handle, and I don’t want to, but you still make me laugh and I’m in awe of your strength.  Hayls chose well mate, she was a clever cookie that one (and I WILL win that dinner someday; I will get a tweet on Q and A yet).

Thanks for all the sweet comments on Blog’s birthday.  She liked your style.

Thanks to Suze for the gift of bold colour.  I love that we didn’t need any words, but that you knew that something bright would be good for my heart.

Thanks to my long suffering Husband.  Man you put up with some moody shit Nath.  I don’t know how, or some days even why, but I guess I must be a bit like Hayls: I chose well.  I might even give you one of my beers as a reward (see below).

Thanks to both of my beer delivery ladies.  Undeserved as they were, they shall be savoured with great satisfaction, come the weekend. Mwah.

So there you have it, no hits, but lots of thanks.  And don’t worry, this isn’t going to turn into some kind of Facey thing with lists of gratitude every day.  I wrote this lot to remind me that I am very lucky.  That yes, I can be sad, it is allowed, but that I do have much to be happy about, once the clouds have shed their tears.

Okay, come on, just this once, tell me what you need to give thanks for.

…From The Ashers xx

I am the world’s worst best procrastinator.  I put off everything that I can, until it becomes painfully impossible to ignore it any longer.  I create situations where I have a feeling of ‘something hanging over my head’, that gets so heavy and cumbersome that it pushes me forward and threatens to crush my lungs .  It is only then that I do it.

I did it today.

In fact I did two ‘its’.

Together, they took three and a half hours, tops.  Two things that had been squeezing the joy out of my evenings, as I would plant my lazy bum on this very comfy couch and make deals with myself about how I would get up and at least start one of them soon/next ad break/after writing this next blog/as soon as I finish this cuppa.  After sufficient time had elapsed and it would become obvious I wasn’t even going to start them, I would skulk off to bed, vowing to get up at 5am and eat the frog.

But I never ate those frogs.  And of course I never got up at 5am.

The only frogs I eat are choccy

So like I said, today I made a deal with myself that I would do just one of the maligned tasks, and then strangely, I felt so relieved and energetic after one, I did the other.  They weren’t even difficult.  And now I can breathe fully again.  Just like that.

That’s not to say that that is the end of tasks that require my attention, but having those two millstones removed has created a space and a freedom that I didn’t even realise was being so choked off.

I’m writing this blog to share my relief and elation, so that I might come back here some day, should I ever get to this level of procrastination again, and remember how wondrous it felt, to be like Nike.  I’m also writing this in case you too are putting off some reviled task, with the futile hope that it will go away.  I want you to get a sense of how BLOODY GOOD it feels once it is done.  Of how you can completely relax your shoulders.  Of how you can take your time over dinner.  Of how you can savour your evening, instead of wishing it away.

Kelly Exeter shared a tip one day: if it takes less than a minute to do, do it right now.  (I’ve changed that to two minutes).  It has lead to a life with much less clutter.  Previously I had too many jobs ‘for later’ stored up in my head.  Ten simple jobs that could be done in the moment can add up to a lot of mess.

The other thing that helped me today was to really get into the feeling of euphoria once the first job was done.  I’m trying to create a cell memory of that in my mind and body so that I can try and access it next time the old pleasure/pain strategy of putting things off until they are stressfully urgent tries to rear up.

I don’t know if this new strategy will be the end of a lifetime of procrastination and cramming, but stranger things have happened.

I’ll let you know.

What are you putting off?

Will you start it today?

…From The Ashers xx

Today is Blog’s first birthday.  One year old.

Blog has seen a lot in her one year.  If I was computer savvy not so lazy, I’d do one of those Instagram photo montage thingies.  Probably with Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) playing softly in the background.  We might share a tear together, you and I, watching the year fly by, and remembering the laughter and the tears of our first year.

But of course I am lazy.

So if you want to do that you’ll have to flick through yourself.  Most of the posts are pretty short, definitely not the recommended 2000 words per post, that is required, should I wish to “make my blog explode”.

When I started this hobby, it was my intention to blog every day for a year, and then re-evaluate.  RRs will know I fell off that wagon for a bit over summer when camping, with the shite wifi coverage and it being too hot to sit a computer on my legs.  I can only do so much for the sake of my ‘art’.  That, and the fact that those Coronas and Mojitos weren’t gonna drink themselves.  And the blog-a-day thing got shelved pretty early on too, when I realised that children suck the creative right out of my brain, so five a week is all I can manage.

So I suppose we’ve settled into a bit of a rhythm here, you, and I.

I hope you’re still having fun over here with blog.

I am.  And I’ve made some inroads into making this little hobby a bit more than that.  I have some ideas of things you might like to read as ebooks, and I have enrolled in a seminar to help with getting more readers over here, and possibly to make some money to pay for hosting fees and my swisho new business cards.

So thanks for reading this past year.  Thanks for sharing, and thanks for all the comments.  Those things really make this space a fun place for me to come and play.

So on blog’s birthday, I’d like to give you a chance to give me some feedback, constructive criticism, that kind of thing.  Tell me what you love and hate about blog, what you’d like to see more of.  You can answer down there in the comments.  I’ll listen, I promise.*  I might even send you a pressie.*

*Fingers might be a little bit crossed

…From The Ashers xx

I was all over the place today.  Crying and not crying.  A throat full of burning lumps like held-back vomit.  Eyes hot and sandpapery.  And that feeling, the heavy-tight feeling, clenching the suboccipital muscles into bundles of gristle, with that impending sense of doom.  But the doom wasn’t impending.  The thing of dreadful fear had already happened.  Still, it was hard to fully inflate my lungs.

I called on BabyMac to find a perfect birthday cake to bake for my friend, ‘cos BabyMac knows a thing or two about sucking the good stuff outa life.

The cake is called Anne.  She’s big and sweet and full of goodness.  Four eggs from happy chooks.  Lashings of magnificent butter worth it’s weight in gold (no, really, it costs the same as gold).  And a shit load of sugar.  My mate would have loved Anne.  Anne has quite a heft about her.  She’s not for the faint of heart.  And my friend was not faint-hearted.  She was a tough bugger.  And she didn’t mind a cake.

So I baked Anne, and I shared her around.  I gave some to my family, some to my neighbours and some to a gorgeous friend.  I didn’t tell them why I’d given them some Anne to feast on, but they sent me back loving messages, and pictures, just the same.  Anne is that kind of cake.  She makes an impact, and I think she likes to get around a bit.  Anne likes making people smile, making them rub their bellies, and push back their chairs as they lick her last crumbs off their plate.  Anne reminds us of what it’s like to be alive, and nourished, under this big wide sky of potential.  Anne reminds us to savour all of the flavours of life, to taste as many different things as we can, and to devour every last morsel.

Turns out, Anne is a lot like my friend.  I think they would have liked each other.

Happy Birthday Hayls.  I saved you a bit of Anne. Bon Apps.

…From The Ashers xx

Thinking of my big hearted friend, today.

Happy Birthday Hayls.

I will play Green Spandex thirty seven times, and probably have a cry.  (I’m already crying.)

Things I would rather be doing:

Choosing you a present.

Talking to you on the phone, or even better, in person.

Discussing what the birthday celebrations are gonna be.

Doing some Jump Dancing.

Teasing your husband because he got you something weird (That of course, you loved. Because: also weird.).

Agreeing with you that your best gift would be to have Ricki here to share the day with you.  If only you could have that.

Shit, I’d even give you a cuddle.

I don’t like this game.

I didn’t like the cancer game either.  I kept on wishing for it to be over so we could get on with our real plans.  I think John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”  The same goes for death, I guess.  I remember you saying once, about someone who had died, and who’s loved ones were consoling themselves with the stories about how they had “had a good life” and that they “died on their own terms”, that they were still dead, and dead for a long time.

It is long.

And yet it’s not even a year.

It feels like a lifetime and a minute.

I don’t know what is worse.

I just bloody miss ya.

…From The Ashers xx

It’s been a funny old week this week hasn’t it?  What with super moons and cold days and a feeling of melancholy lurking around the edges of everything.  Did you hold your people close to you this week?  I bet you did.  It’s time to shake off the week, so here are the Hits:

1.  This little cup.  I ordered it from Nespresso with my coffee supplies this month, mainly because it is called Ritual, and I really love the idea of that, a daily coffee ritual (I’m a marketing person’s dream).  I was planning on gifting it, but then I found it was a SCIENCE CUP.  It came with it’s very own brochure, possibly researched at the Ponds Institute.  It tells me that it has a carefully calculated height and diameter to release the aromas fully, it is slightly curved to allow for smooth pouring of the coffee, it has a concave base for a perfectly formed crema and it is made from light porcelain to keep the coffee at the ideal temperature (WHAT?).  I shit you not, this is a the actual truth (according to the brochure).  So, as you can imagine, I can’t possibly give it away now, because: science.

Perfect science cup, you shall be mine… Allll mine…

2.  I follow a clairvoyant lady on FB, and she sometimes does a selection of cards.  I chose this one yesterday, and I love it.  I think she meant it for all of us.

3.  As you RRs know, we said goodbye to Watters this weekend, but he left us with a most precious gift, in the form of this card.  So cute.  I am pleased and honoured that we were able to be part of teaching a kid about some of the greatness that resides within.  We don’t always know how we will fare in the face of new challenges and situations, and Watters, at 11years of age did it with grace and an infectious sense of fun.  His Mum sent me an email thanking us for giving him an experience that was “bigger than him”.  Mwah Mrs.Watters.

4. Free shit.

Sometimes in my line of work people bring me stuff.  It can be amazing produce from their garden, little gifts of chocolate or wine or beer, or even little things they see when at the shops and know that I’ll love.  Anything from essential oils or scented candles, through to picnic blankets, and did I mention beer?  I must have been particularly nice this week, because I received a bounty: a box of choccies, a bottle of wine, some special peppercorns, some champagne flutes, some lemons, and these babies:

Yeah, I know, I have the best job in the world, but even better, I have the best patients in the world.  If any of you happen to be reading, you rock.

5.  Stairway to Heaven.  Liam is learning it on guitar, so we have been listening to it on the way to school every day, and have used old video of ‘Money Or The Gun’ with all the versions of Stairway, as a musical education.  Embarrassingly, I realised I’ve never played them The Doors, or even the B52s, so we have had a musical education this week, ripping out the old vinyl.  So much fun.  A good reason to have kids.

How was your week?  Any hits involving hits?

…From The Ashers xx